Reflections on Pregnancy

Amidst my continued amazement of Henry's arrival and his daily permutations, I was thinking back to pregnancy and how far away this part of the journey seems. Before forgetting the unique condition that is pregnancy, let me just summarize a few "these could only happen when you're pregnant" truths about the blessed 9 months...

1. Every single day, every single person asks you “How are you feeling?”
2. You can wear elastic waist band pants and not be a “fashion don’t”
3. People take all liberties to touch your stomach – when else would anyone do this?
4. Random co-workers ask to be the kid’s “local Grandma”
5. You find little gifts left at your desk on a weekly basis (mostly for the kid)
5. Co-workers you hardly know knit you exquisite blankets made of machine washable yarn
6. Women in the grocery line smile at you in a knowing way – envy or pity, who knows?
7. You get a free follow-up dental check up midway through the preganancy
8. People notice your girth before your brains
9. Someone walking by can say, “My that belly is growin’” without getting slapped
10. People’s faces will distort wildly when they look at you across the table, not because you have food on your face, but because your belly is distorting itself due to alien movements inside
11. Guacamole, which has never been even remotely interesting to you, suddenly becomes the favored meal of the house
12. Employees at the grocery store, post office, cafeteria, and vet’s office all seem to care about you and your growing family well-beyond what might be considered normal customer service
13. Random people will approach you and say “I know it’s a boy and I am ten for ten!” without hesitation (and oh my, they are right!)
14. Nipple cream is an appropriate gift from a friend you have not seen in over 3 years
15. You can be an absolute bitch and have a really good excuse
16. You solicit input from everyone possible about their views on circumcision; even the bartender overhearing your conversation will come over and add his two cents.
17.You share your trials with hemorrhoids with colleagues at the lunch table
18. People tell you “You shouldn’t exercise so much…” and you get pissy with them.
19. The receptionist at the vet extolls the virues of perineal massage

20. Co-workers talk directly to your navel instead of to your face.
21. The checkout lady at the grocery store calls over the loud speaker: “Assistance needed on aisle 4” and a swarthy Kevin comes to help you carry your two bags out to your car – without you even asking or wanting this!’
22. You may mistake yourself for an elephant if you look only at your legs…
23. You wake in the middle of the night truly perplexed as to whether the wetness in the bed is you having pee’d your pants or your bag of waters having broken